If you are a man who wants to succeed with women, you need to be aware of these 10 mistakes that are killing your chances.
These common traps can sabotage your seduction skills and lead to an embarrassing rejection.
Simply avoiding these mistakes will set you apart from the other guys she meets. If you’re ready to take your game up a notch, then read on!
Pretending to be someone you’re not.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is pretending to be a man you’re not. This will only lead to disaster, as she will eventually find out who you really are and then feel betrayed and lied to.
It’s much better to be yourself from the beginning – this way, there are no surprises, and both of you can relax and enjoy your time together.
If you try to be someone you’re not, it will show in your body language and communication style. She will be able to tell that something is off, which will ruin any chance of a future relationship with her.
If you want to be someone else, then go out and change yourself – don’t try to deceive the woman you like!
It’s important always to be yourself when meeting women. If she likes you for who you are, it will be much easier for her to trust and connect with you throughout the night.
However, if you try too hard or pretend to be someone else around her, this can cause problems down the road in your relationship. You don’t want to keep up this act after you guys are already together, so don’t create problems that may not exist.
It’s okay for her to get a glimpse of the real you right away – she would probably be disappointed if you weren’t the same guy you are in real life! Plus, being yourself is simply more attractive than putting on a fake persona.
Being a “nice guy”.
One of the biggest turn-offs for women is when a man acts too nice. She wants to feel like you’re interested in her, not just her good deeds. So instead of being Mr. Nice Guy, try being more mysterious and aloof. This will make her want to pursue you more!
For some reason, being “nice” to women has become the default setting for most men when they try to approach them in bars or clubs.
It’s almost as if you must be kind and offer her your coat in the cold before even saying hello! But this isn’t dating 101 – there are no points awarded here for being sweet. If anything, it will only make her suspicious of your intentions.
Be sure about yourself.
When she says that she wants someone confident but also sensitive, remember these words! She doesn’t want someone whose primary goal is getting approval from everyone around him…including herself. That takes all the excitement out of life.
She wants a guy who is sure of himself and knows what he’s doing. If you’re worried about making the wrong impression, it will show through in your body language. Don’t make things more complicated than they need to be – just smile, introduce yourself with confidence and let her know how much fun she looks like she’s having!
You don’t have to pretend that you are perfect or put on an act around her – this isn’t about getting brownie points but simply showing her where your mind is at when meeting women. It seems simple because it actually should be!
Being too available for dates right away.
Another mistake that many guys make is being too available for dates right away.
This often comes across as desperation and can work against you.
If you’re too easy, it will take away all the fun of pursuing her. It’s like showing up on the first date with a ring already in hand! Don’t make things more complicated than they need to be – just let things flow naturally between the two of you and see where it goes. That way, she won’t feel like she’s being forced into anything.
Women like a challenge, so don’t make it too easy for them.
If you are always available for dates and she can contact you any time she wants, she will eventually lose interest.
It’s essential to create some space and let her miss you – this is when the chase begins! You want her to be thinking about you when you’re not around, and the only way to do that is by creating some intrigue.
Plus, it will make your dates all the more special when you finally do get together. If you’re too available for a date right away, then she will think that you are either desperate or have nothing else going on in your life and will ghost you.
Neither of these is a quality women are looking for in a potential mate.
Talking too much.
Many guys have a problem talking too much when they first meet women. This can be especially true if you’re nervous, as it’s easy to fall back on your old habits and start rambling!
The best thing that you can do is calm down, relax and focus on what she has to say – this will make her feel like she matters and gets through all the barriers in place.
If you talk too much about yourself or bore her with stories from your past, then there won’t be any room for an equal relationship between the two of you. It’ll become very one-sided – which isn’t good at all. Plus, it may come across as arrogant or self-centered (which no woman likes) if you only talk about yourself the whole night.
If this happens, politely excuse yourself and ask her to tell you more about herself instead…if she likes you for who you are, there will be no problems!
Some guys tend to talk too much when they are around women they are attracted to. This can be an immediate turn-off and make you seem needy or desperate.
Listen more than you speak.
It’s important to listen more than you speak and let her do most of the talking. Being a man of few words will show her that you are confident and don’t need to fill the silence with nonsense.
If you’re always talking, she won’t get a chance to know who you are. Plus, it can be pretty boring when the conversation is one-sided – she will eventually lose interest if this continues.
Be sure to listen to what she has to say and only offer up commentary when it’s necessary.
Being too pushy or aggressive.
If you want to make a good first impression, it’s vital not to be too pushy or aggressive when meeting women. If she feels like there is no way to get rid of you, this will cause problems down the road.
For example: if you try and force her into going on a date with you right away – even though she isn’t ready for commitment – this could spell trouble later on.
Some guys think that being persistent and overly-aggressive means they are playing hard to get…but instead, all it does is turn off women because they don’t like feeling pressured!
It’s much better to forget about trying so hard and give her some space until she is ready. Remember, it’s always better to be the one who is chased rather than the one doing the chasing.
Another example of being too pushy is when you try and touch her or kiss her without getting permission. This will make her feel uncomfortable, and she may even feel like you are taking advantage of her.
Don’t be too forward.
It’s important to wait for signs that she is comfortable with physical contact before making any moves – otherwise, you may end up scaring her away.
Many men make the mistake of being too forward, almost as if they are trying to “attack” her and get her attention at any cost. This might work with some women – but think about it: would YOU like it if someone came up and started talking to you aggressively?
I’m guessing the answer is no.
Be sure to take it easy, and let things flow naturally. You will have a much better chance of success if you do.
Being too cocky or arrogant.
This is a huge turn-off for women, and it’s completely avoidable!
Just because you’ve got a game doesn’t mean that it’s okay to act like an arrogant jerk! There has to be a balance, and if you are too cocky, then this will make her feel unattractive by comparison. Plus, she might start wondering how long the relationship would last before things become too stressful for her to handle…and then she’ll move on.
Instead of coming across as someone who thinks they are better than everyone else – even though this isn’t true at all – try being humble instead. If your accomplishments speak for themselves (or you don’t have anything impressive going on in your life), then there is no need to brag or talk down to people.
Just focus on being a good person, and she will notice these subtle hints about you soon enough…and then attraction will be in the bag!
Believe in yourself.
So many guys think that being confident is the same thing as being cocky, but it’s not. When you are truly self-assured and believe in yourself, there is no reason to act arrogant or put others down because of your insecurities.
If she starts feeling negative vibes from you when they first meet – whether it’s through body language (like rolling her eyes) or words – I can guarantee that things will never go anywhere between the two of you!
Another example of acting too cocky is bragging about how great your life is without real evidence that this might be true. This makes people resentful of you instead of thinking highly of you, which kindles attraction like nothing else.
It is important to be honest with yourself and others, but don’t go overboard!
Acting as if your life sucks.
You don’t want to come across as bitter or resentful about your life. If you do, then this will make her feel like she has no chance of changing it…which totally kills attraction!
The best thing that you can do is keep things positive and focus on the good in your life right now.
If there are problems in your past – which there always have been at some point – but they aren’t affecting you anymore, then be sure not to bring them up every time you meet a new girl.
Just talk about what’s going on NOW. Otherwise, she’ll start associating those bad memories with YOU and lose interest quickly because women usually prefer men who are more upbeat than negative or sad all of the time.
This is especially important if you are going to online dating sites because women can see your profile and read what you’ve written before they decide to meet up with you in person.
Keep a positive attitude.
If there’s something that she doesn’t like, then it will be much easier for her to pass on the opportunity than if everything sounds great. You want to avoid this at all costs, so just keep a positive attitude, and things will start going much better for you.
Many guys think that they need to play the “down on their luck” card to get women interested…this couldn’t be further from the truth!
If anything, acting depressed or sad just makes people want to avoid you because there is no way someone with such negative energy ever makes them happy.
This is why smiling and showing an interest in others (whether by asking questions or trying something new) is essential when meeting women.
It shows that you are a positive person with a lot to offer. Plus, it’s much more fun this way – who wouldn’t want to be around someone who is always happy and positive?
Not being present in the moment.
This is one of the biggest mistakes men make, and it’s more common than ever. When you are thinking about what to say next or wondering how long she will be interested in you – as well as a million other things going on inside your head – then there isn’t much hope for success because women can sense this negative energy from a mile away!
When first meeting someone, don’t think too far ahead into the future…instead, just go with the flow and see where life takes you two. It might not work out between you both, but at least give yourself a chance by being present during the conversation instead of always looking toward tomorrow.
If nothing else works…stop trying so hard! In many cases, focusing too much on what you are doing can backfire. It’s much better to just go with the flow, relax and let things happen naturally instead of forcing them, as this will only make women feel uncomfortable (and then they’ll want nothing more than for you to leave!).
This is a huge mistake that many men make, especially when they start dating – you need to be PRESENT if you want to make a good impression.
Focus on the conversation.
So try your best not to focus on anything other than the conversation at hand and enjoy getting to know her better. It’ll make things much smoother for both of you in the long run!
Another example of not being present in the moment is when a guy tries to buy her affection by showering her with gifts.
Yes, it’s great to be generous, but you can’t go overboard with this because then she will feel like a “prize” that you are trying to win…and the thrill of getting her attention won’t last for long.
Instead, make sure that your generosity is genuine and not something contrived to get her to like you.
Instead of thinking about making her like you, try just being yourself. It might take a little while, but once she sees the real you underneath all of that effort, then mutual attraction will be in the bag!
Not getting properly prepared and knowing exactly what to do when meeting a girl.
This is another mistake that men make when they first start meeting women. Instead of thinking about what to say and how to act, just take a step back for a moment and think about why you are there in the first place.
Ask yourself this:
“What do I hope will happen?”
Once you know exactly where your head should be before talking to her, it’s much easier to get into the right mindset instead of being nervous or anxious while interacting with her. If she senses that something isn’t quite right (and trust me – she will), then things won’t go anywhere between you two!
When going out on dates with women, always have a plan beforehand.
This could be anything from taking her to a movie or dinner or even just going for a walk around the city. Having something planned out beforehand will show her that you are serious about getting to know her better and that you’re not just wasting her time.
If you go on dates without any plan, she will quickly lose interest because it shows that you don’t have anything else going on in your life…beyond trying to date women!
Another example of getting properly prepared is knowing how to start a conversation. There are many ways for you to do this, but it’s important to know what you say ahead of time to avoid awkward silence!
You can always start by asking her about herself or commenting on something that you are both seeing in the world around you. Once she responds to your question or comment, then you can easily continue the conversation from there.
These are just a few examples of mistakes that men make when trying to attract women, but overall it all comes down to the simple fact that you need to take a step back and realize what’s going on for you to turn things around.
Not dressing appropriately for the occasion.
This is another big mistake that men make, which often significantly impacts how women perceive them.
If you want to be taken seriously, then dress the part!
For instance: if you are going to a club, do not wear jeans and a t-shirt. Instead, dress in something more “club appropriate,” which for men often means wearing dark pants with either a button-up shirt or a nice sweater. Pair these with a good pair of shoes, and you’ll be set to go!
In general, it’s important for men not to wear anything too flashy or loud because this will just get in the way of her being able to focus on you.
You don’t have to spend big bucks on clothes – just figure out what works best for your body type!
Another example of this is not wearing the right cologne. If you wear any perfume or cologne, make sure that it’s something subtle and smells nice – don’t go overboard with this because too much can be a bad thing!
Instead, opt for more neutral scents like woody musk or sandalwood, which are sure to please any woman that you might end up meeting.
When it comes down to it, the most important thing about looking good is being confident because people will forgive anything if they can sense how self-assured you are about yourself.
So make sure that when meeting women, you look like someone who deserves her attention by putting your best foot forward.
If you’re going out on a date with her, then make sure that you dress nicely and not like you just rolled out of bed!
Groom yourself for success.
This means that you should clean up your act, shave or trim any facial hair if necessary, and put on clothes that are appropriate for the occasion. Don’t wear anything too over-the-top – just make sure to look decent enough so that she will want to be seen with you in public.
When going out at night (on dates), always dress a little nicer than what would be considered “normal.” You don’t need to go overboard like wearing a tuxedo, but you must show her some respect by looking nice instead of not caring about how you present yourself.
The first few sentences of the conclusion paragraph: We all know that there are many things to consider when trying to attract women. But what you might not realize is how many mistakes men make without realizing it, errors that can be easily fixed with some self-awareness and mindful decision-making.
If your goal is to find love, you need to put your best foot forward. That means taking the time to get prepared and understanding what works well for you – beyond just trying to “wing it” or hope that things will work out.
I hope that this article has helped shed some light on the mistakes that are commonly made and that you will be able to use this information to your advantage. Thanks for reading!
Lenny Terra is the founder & editor-in-chief. He’s a life coach, software engineer, freelance writer, and has a diploma in Modern Applied Psychology. Lenny has a passion for great living & beautiful design. He is married and is the father of two beautiful girls. His life’s mission is to help people improve their lives, become happier and more productive. This blog is his contribution to that goal and to the empowerment of his readers. Lenny and his family live in Texas with their two dogs.